too good to not share.

Make your own, just save me a drumstick!

If you don't speak Japanese: http://translate.google.com/translate?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wombat.zaq.ne.jp%2Ffare%2Fchicken.html&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&sl=ja&tl=en

Mock Draft - Round 2

Quick recap:

Position	Jared	Calvin
Male Protagonist	Mario	-
Female Protagonist	-	Samus Aran
Villain 1	Sephiroth	Bowser
Villain 2	-	Shao Khan
Supernatural	Kratos	-
Animal/Monster	-	-
Sidekick	-	-
Comic Relief	-	-
Utility	Master Chief	M. Bison
Bench	-	-
Bench	-	-
Bench	-	-

Pick #10 - Calvin selects Zombies - Supernatural

how scared were you when you first played resident evil? I first played it at midnight at my cousins house and i was completely scared stiff when that first zombie comes after you ... so scary. anyway. legions of the undead that somehow can destroy an entire city yet they cant run. after they kill someone ... they join them. and they roll deep. What a recruitment strategy! bonus points for switching sides. On the flip side, they do lack leveling up skills, weapons, and vehicles. But, as a collective they must own tons of money (that they cant use any more), and every now and then when i kill one they drop keys or gems or whatever i need to finish a puzzle plus, they speak zombie.

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Pick #11 - Calvin selects PaRappa the Rapper - Comic Relief

PaRappa isn't comic relief in the sense that he's dope. He's just trying to learn skills to win over his girl, Sunny Funny.
Skills learned:

• He learns how to drive- vehicle,
• he speaks english and ebonics - languages,
• gets money from working a flea market - money,
• he bakes a seafood cake. oh yeah, did i mention he freakin raps?! Parappa is ill, better than half the MCs out there to date.
• destroys any MC in his path - kills.

Kick, punch, block
Chop, kick, block
Block, turn, and kick it
Block, duck, punch
Duck, duck, turn
Jump, kick, chop
Punch, punch, punch

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Pick #12 - Jared selects Link - Female Protagonist

Wait, Link isn't a girl? Dang it.

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Pick #13 - Jared selects Chu chu - Comic Relief

Calvin's long lost twin stuffed animal. Chu-chu is basically the joke character that you never use in an RPG (e.g. Cait Sith). The hilarity of her love for the main character in Xenogears can only be surpassed by the hilarity of her semi-pokemon speech (she incorporates "chu" into all her sentences"). All the characters in Xenogears get their own Gears, which are basically Gundams, for battling. What does Chu-chu get? That's right, she just has her physical limiter removed and grows 1000 times her size to join our heroes in battle.

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Pick #14 - Calvin selects Michael Jackson - Male Protagonist

After losing Master Chief, I knew I needed a male protagonist that could make big hits in the clutch. Who else but the King of Pop himself? Rock With You? Don't Stop Til You Get Enough? Beat It? The man made Thriller. Michael Jackson's Moonwalker video game. If you don't know, now you know. MJ FTW!

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Pick #15 - Calvin selects Sonic the Hedgehog - Animal

Sonic was fast. He was a liberator of fellow animals. He has more rings than the Yankees and Red Sox combined. His main enemy was an egg-shaped man in gigantic destruction machines! Plus his music was awesome. Who doesn't love that music?

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Pick #16 - Jared selects Pikachu - Animal

Calvin's other long lost twin animal. The face of the Pokémon franchise. Everyone's favorite electric mouse has graced the cover of video games and magazines all over the world. Shockingly cute, yet electrifyingly tough. The only video game character that can be drawn in chat windows:
|\_/|
(o';'o)

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Pick #17 - Jared selects Blue Shell - Villain

Okay, who can truthfully say that they haven't been burned by a blue (or purple, depending on your eyesight) shell? This faceless villain cares nothing about how great of a driver you are or how big your lead is. Profanity +500% when used, this thing is evil.

---

Final round will be posted soon.
To be concluded...

random thought - black outs

When I was a kid (i think in middle school maybe a bit younger) I was playing with a friend after school in the snow at Munchkin Park.

From the tire swing that made me too dizzy, to the water fountain that never worked, Munchkin Park is a huge part of many young stonehamites' lives. I'm really not sure if that is its official name or if its a name that has developed over time. I reckon it to be a lot like bandaids, post-its or Canada. It might be the fact that its a municipal park? Or maybe because around the park is municipal parking, but I digress.

We were waiting for my friend's mom to come and pick him up and I was going to walk home, since I lived so close to the park. We were running around and playing and then his mom shows up. We began walking towards her car and walked past the bench area that happened to be a rather icy. It was there where I slipped, my body went nearly horizontal and fell and bumped my head.

Now this next part I remember it very distinctly. I blacked out. When I came too I thought I had been black out for probably like 15-20 minutes. After I sat up off the ground, my friend's mom came over and asked if I was ok. I was surprised not only that she would have stayed for 15-2o minutes, but that she would have left me lying unconscious for that long. How dare she. Soon after, I realized I was actually only out for 15-20 seconds, but it felt like a long time!

sidenote: blacking out is such an odd way to alert you that something went wrong. you won't get that message until you're awake. what if peter parker's spider sense worked like that.

"spider sense is tingling, i'm getting my face smashed in."

or

"spider sense is tingling! this chicken needed to be cooked longer!"

ineffective at best ... i wonder if his spider sense was able to tell him like really practical things ... like

"spider sense is tingling, you left the stove on"

Or

"spider sense is tingling, your mom is about to walk in on you pooping."

now that'd put the super in superhero

anyway, that should explain a lot.

love,

calvin

Say it!

This morning, I decided to challenge myself and see if I could get Calvin to say the word "bean", without me explicitly telling him. Here are the results:
[My thoughts.]

me: hey
calvin: sup man?
[Maybe he likes beans in his burrito, we'll start with that.]
me: what do you like in your burritos?
calvin: ummm
calvin: i like rice
[beans..]
calvin: guac
[beans..]
calvin: onions
[and beans..]
calvin: peppers
[come on, just say beans..]
calvin: corn
[beeeanns..]
calvin: pico de gallo
[is that mexican for beans?]
me: what's pico de gallo
calvin: its like the salsa
[dang it!]
calvin: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pico_de_gallo
[ohh, wiki, I'll check it later..]
[he didn't name any proteins, maybe this will work]
me: any particular proteins?
calvin: umm i like carnitas, or steak
calvin: i dont mind chicken but my pref is those two
[okay this isn't working, new strategy, Mr. Bean]
me: do you have a favorite rowan atkinson movie?
[don't say Johnny English, don't say Johnny English..]
calvin: ummm not really
calvin: i've only seen rat race.
[oh yeah, forgot he was in that movie.]
calvin: and id hardly say its my favorite
[ok, he must know the TV show..]
me: what about a tv show
calvin: mr bean
[victory!]


4 minutes, new record.

Trade alert!

This just in...
A trade has commenced.

Due to increased fan pressure and Master Chief's disgruntled contract situation, Calvin has traded Master Chief and cash to Jared for M. Bison and some prospects. Here's the breakdown on the trade.

Jared receives:
Master Chief
Cash considerations (Calvin: I'll consider it)

Calvin receives:
M. Bison
Jason Bay
1 Bag of Lays potato chips

A statement released by Jared's camp(Camp Jared):
We felt that Master Chief should be on our team. After all, we did draft him. But due to a loophole in the draft laws, we lost him. But now we found him. Then we traded for him. And we got him. He's on our team now. We're happy he's on our team. The guy who edits our statements for redundancy is is on vacation. Master Chief is on our team now.

A statement released by Calvin's camp (Camp Fun Co. Land):
I'm really disappointed that we're forced to give up such a great prospect. We had to do it. It wasn't fan pressure. It wasn't. So drop it. It wasn't. The decision was mine to make. I felt like we needed a different dynamic on the offense, I've been considering M. Bison for a while now. The short week had nothing to do with it. It was just time, so I did it. We're not throwing in the towel. We're not giving up on the season. We're going to beat Denver.

Mock Draft - Round 1

Welcome to our first mock draft. Calvin and I have decided to start a league of video game characters. Based off of their performances, points will be awarded.

Here are the categories:

New Game Appearance = +1
Enemy Defeated = +1 per 100 defeated
Appearance on a newspaper/magazine = +1
Level Up = +1
Skill Learned = +1
Language Spoken = +1 per language
Switch sides (good to evil or evil to good) = +5
Weapon = +.1 per different weapon
Item Collected = +1 per 100 items
Vehicle Driven = +.5 per vehicle
Money owned = +1 per 100 units of money collected

Here is the roster breakdown:

1 Male Protagonist
1 Female Protagonist
2 Villains
1 Supernatural (Ghost/Demon/Undead)
1 Animal/Monster
1 Sidekick
1 Comic Relief
1 Utility
3 Bench

Pick #1 - Jared selects Mario - Male Protagonist

To me, this pick is obvious. He represents the entire Nintendo franchise and has appeared in like a billion games ranging from a game where he is a doctor to a game where you have to find Mario cause he's missing.

---

Pick #2 - Calvin selects Samus Aran - Female Protagonist

One of the coolest characters ever and most of the world didn't know she was a woman until very recently. (Now, for some of you.)

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Pick #3 - Calvin selects Bowser - Villain (1)

The gin in Mario's martini. Tons of appearances. Drives vehicles. Speaks "mwa ha ha "

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Pick #4 - Jared selects Sephiroth - Villain (1)

The most awesome bad guy of all-time. He makes having a girl's haircut look so good. Honestly he can't be that bad, he just misses his mommy.

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Pick #5 - Jared selects Master Chief - Male Protagonist [LEAGUE DENIED]

I hate to overload on a roster position, but this guy is too hard to pass up. This guy has gone on plenty of killing sprees, mastered both human and alien weapons, and has no face. Gravity has no effect on him. He's weak against broken shields and rockets to his face, however.

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Pick #6 - Calvin selects Master Chief - Male Protagonist

Perfect all around character. Items, kills, vehicles and he's got more weapons than an nra after party. Plus he's cute. Done deal.

Nice try cheating, Jared. I was going to choose him way before, but saved him for this round since you already chose a male protagonist! pwned.

---

Pick #7 - Calvin selects Shao Kahn - Villain (2)

The guy steals souls. I know you think "No, that was Shang Tsung." he could do it too. tons of kills. i mean he travels through portals (vehicles) to conquer worlds! he's got a gang of abilities and special moves. his clothes are WEAPONS, for crying out loud! plus he seems just crazy showing up like half naked for a fighting tournament. bonus points for that.

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Pick #8 - Jared selects Kratos - Supernatural

The "Ghost of Sparta" not only killed the God of War, but he became the God of War. However, since they had to make a sequel to the game, he lost his God status in second game of the series. But don't worry, I'm sure he'll get it back. Kratos is like a mix between Chuck Norris, Bill Goldberg, and a guy with two really big knifes that are attached to his wrists.

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Pick #9 - Jared selects M. Bison - Villain (2)

How could we forget how difficult and cheap this guy was in Street Fighter II? He was fast, powerful, and impossible to hit (basically the best of three worlds). That corkscrew move that sets you on fire? Yeah, no chance. He's killed Ryu, at least 100,000 times (when I control Ryu, that is) and that's a ton of points for me.

---

The draft will continue in a future post.
To be continued...

(semi)true (non)jokes about my life

Here is a list of jokes that pertain to my life.

they are horrible jokes and should only be used by a professional. jared said theyre stale like stale ginger ale... enjoy. and if you want. add your own! get involved!

• my house is so cold, a polar bear could live in it.
• my room is so dirty, i dont see floor, I see trash.
• my neighbors are so white, we along with an indian family across the street and black family up the street are the only people of color on my street.
• my house is so cold, it is too cold.
• my desk is so dirty, i dont see desk, I see trash.
  
• what do you get when you cross a hamburger with spaghetti? lunch
  
• what's the difference between my desk and my floor? lipstick
• why did the calvin cross the road? to go to sleep
  
• what's the difference between sarah palin and a polar bear? sarah palin doesnt live in my house.
  
• so i walk in to my room. "have a nice trip!"
• i eat so much rice, i should change my name to calvin rice.
• knock knock. who's there. wowitz. wowitz who? wowitz really cold in my room at the exact moment that you are reading this weblog post via the internet.
  
• how many chus does it take to turn on the heat? zero. its never on
• how many blogs does it take to waste a lot of your time? one.
  

expected: random thought posts.

This month ... and probably from here on out, I'm going to post random thoughts or stories. Most will not fit any real theme. If you want to enjoy them, read away. If not, you'll need to destroy the internet to stop me.