Thursday, August 25, 2011

The importance of punctuation.

Today's post will show the importance of including commas, semicolons, and hyphens in everyday writing.

Exhibit A:
What they meant: "Let's attack, Calvin."
What they wrote: "Let's attack Calvin."

Without the comma, our game of Halo went from cooperative fun to cold-blooded betrayal. This is why we should just get an Xbox headset instead of gameplanning on AIM.

Exhibit B:
What they meant: "The following people are promoted: Auyeung, Mike; Ortiz, David."
What they wrote: "The following people are promoted: Auyeung, Mike, Ortiz, David."

Since his boss didn't use a semicolon, Mikey thought his 4 colleagues: Auyeung Lee, Mike Chan, Ortiz Rasputin, and David Pedroia got the promotion he had worked so hard for. By the time Mikey realized he got the promotion, his boss's toupee had already been vacuumed off his head.

Exhibit C:
What they meant: "Steve Jobs re-signs as Apple CEO."
What they wrote: "Steve Jobs resigns as Apple CEO."

By forgetting the hyphen, now everyone thinks Steve Jobs is leaving his position at Apple. In actuality, he has re-signed with his company for 8 years, 120 million dollars. Hopefully, Chris Johnson doesn't demand to be paid like a top CEO.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Water Country! Water Country! Water Country!

Have some fun! Seriously if you've been in Boston for more than one summer you should know this song by heart. They play it all the time on the radio and on TV.

For those of you not from Boston, I don't think they've changed their TV commercial in over 10 years. Because for as long as I've been in Boston that's the commercial I remember. The video quality is grainy and outdated. The kids in the video are now in their 30's and bringing their kids to the park.

and what about the theme song? Why is it so catchy? I just have to sing along out loud no matter where I am. I just can't help it and I hope they never change it!

you know what the funny thing is... as much as I like the song and you would think I'd be there every summer, but I have never been to Water Country. So thank you Water Country not for a very cool spot, or a place to feel and be young, but for a very very catchy and timeless jingle.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Plan

I've been thinking about something. Anyway.

You ever notice that people just sort of show up into the internet-celebridom? Random people get a buzz and all of a sudden they're famous for really doing nothing, besides having a particular body type (Kim Kardashian), being rich (Paris Hilton), or doing something less kid-friendly (Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton). They just kind of showed up and were instantly famous.

This sparked a thought in my mind. I have a particular body type (mine), I am rich (rich in debt), and I do something that's not kid-friendly (eating vegetables).

I can become an internet celebrity too!

So I started shooting a viral video of me eating corn when it hit me. These factors really don't matter! Why? Because there is one thing that unites all famous people on the internet. Quickly, I put my corn down and turned off my camera.

You probably think the x-factor is number of hits on a website, weblog, or facebook page. WRONG! Realistically regular Joe Schmoes like us can get heavy traffic too. (Thanks, mom!) No, the thing that all celebrities have is this: more followers than followees. Check facebook, twitter, myspace, instagram. Every famous person has what I call the golden ratio. (I'm gonna copyright that...)

The Golden Ratio of followers to followees has to be greater than 4. That's the key to being famous. Brilliant! (If you want to check my math see below.)

So here was the plan:
  • Step 1: All I need to do is get a bunch of people to follow me.
  • Step 2: Bask in my own awesomeness + famousness.
But then I realized a bump in my road to famawesomousness. My ratio would still be close to equilibrium. Then it came to me like a song I wrote. I could unfollow all of my friends and that would make my ratio perfectly unbalanced. Genius.

So, I'll send you a postcard from the top and when I thank all the little people that helped me win a Webby, know that I am talking about you, my ex-friends.




test famawesomousness () {
GR=F/f
if (GR > 4) {
u = "famous celebrity";
} else if (GR <= 4) {
u = "local yokel";
}
}

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

A Joke.

What do you get when you mix Brandy with honey from the moon?

Mo', Mooney, mo problems.










Guess who's bizack?














Kiss the ring. #swag.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Planets

Calvin informed us as we were playing video games with the volume on full blast that he's going to the Moon and won't be back for a while. Pshh, out of all the places in the solar system to visit, he picks the Moon? Boring!

This made me wonder what it would be like to live on another planet in the solar system. Here are some quick thoughts of living on each planet:

Mercury - It's for those who need major tans.

Venus - Too many woman there, not for me.

Earth - Currently live there.

Mars - Too many men there, not my cup of tea.

Jupiter - If you want to gain a lot of weight quickly, this is the place for you.

Saturn - For those who love the bling.

Uranus - You never know what you'll find there.

Neptune - For cold people and Pharrell.

Pluto - Sorry, you don't make the cut.

Calvin, have fun on the Moon, bring us back some cheese and a US flag.