the origin of sports

Now that the economic crisis has been solved (with the help of 700 billion dollars worth of paper money), we can go back to the important things in life: the blogtober debates.

What is the definition of sports?

I decided to look where most people don't look for answers: the Bible. But to be more specific, I went to biblegateway.com and here's what I found under sports:

Sorry. No results found for "sports" in Keyword Search.

Did you mean spiritual gifts?

I almost gave up, but then I did what most mute snakes like to do, I took out the 's'. Here's what I found:

1. Genesis 39:14
she called her household servants. 'Look,' she said to them, 'this Hebrew has been brought to us to make sport of us! He came in here to sleep with me, but I screamed.

2. Genesis 39:17
Then she told him this story: 'That Hebrew slave you brought us came to me to make sport of me.

3. Psalm 69:11
when I put on sackcloth, people make sport of me.

So there you have it, the earliest (and therefore, most correct) definition of sports is amorous dalliance.

[short intermission to allow dictionary.com to load]

And apparently sackclothes were the rage. If I owned a set of sackclothes, I would put a giant Z on it. Why? Cause I'm bringing sack-Z back.

The end.

smear campaign

Jared wanted to delay the debate so that we could go back and work on our economic crisis (not having enough money to buy a small island) I showed up to the forum and spoke anyway because im a maverick. In brighter news, Jared had acquired enough money for a small island, but spent it all on his addiction to Fabergé eggs.

He's in a 12-step program. Here are the steps.

1. wake up
2. go pee
3. brush his teeth
4. put in his contacts
5. shave mustache
6. put on lululemon spandex pants
7. do 45 min of pilates
8. take a shower
9. take off lulu lemon spandex pants
10. eat breakfast
11. shave mustache
12. head to work

so there you have it. the truth. unedited. unfiltered. uncensored. maverick. jared will be posting soon.

definition of sports

this debate (what is the definition of a sport?) has lasted probably a trillion years. the velociraptor would argue with the tyrannosaurus rex about whether eating a stegosaurus was a sport. it went something like this.

T-Rex: "ROAAAARRRRRRRR"

Raptor: "ROAR. EEEEEEEE"

T: "ROARRRRRRRRRRR"

R: "EEEEEEEEE ROAR!"

T: "ROAAAAARRRRRRRRR"

R: "Good point."

They would argue and argue until they realized what they really wanted was to eat each other.

But I digress. a sport is anything you have fun doing. its very plain and simple.

here are some "real" "responses" that "i" "have" given"."

"oh you like to play basketball? well then sir you are playing a sport."
"what? you enjoy running marathons? you my friend are sporting it up"
"you think giving yourself a time limit to finish pooping is fun? sport!"

makes sense to me. but, some might ask,

"so you're saying if you don't like tennis, that makes it universally not a sport?"

then i'd say

"i think the example you just cited...that's paramount. that's a heck of a lot more than most bloggers... and let me just say i'm also known as the maverick, taking shots from my readers...i'm just trying to get people understand my definition of sports"

then some might say

"i'm gonna ask you one last time, not to belabor the point. if you don't like tennis, does that make it universally not a sport?"

then i'd say,

"i'll try to find and answer and bring em to ya!"

side note

it came to my realization that we have been on the wrong time zone. that has been changed

t-minus, yes!

and so it continues, the debate.

Enter: two men battling, not with guns and knives, but with words. The most powerful weapons we have.

One man a classically trained violinist. The other a self-educated flautist.

The debates shall be heated and shall potentially create an un-reconcilable rift between friends. An exchanging of words that could potentially force loved ones and acquaintances to choose sides in an all out microcosmic civil war.

And then there's me and jared. two guys who will probably make a bunch of jokes that no one will think are funny.

get your alarm clocks ready. blogtober is around the corner and being hyped up!

a post before blogtober?

No one has been bothering me to put up a new post. Readers, your reverse psychology is working.

But let me also say why I haven't been updating. It's because updating is for losers.

With that said, expect a post later this week.

great suggestions!

Hey everyone! Thanks to all who are putting comments on the blog!

We are less than a week away from our first blogtober post and we want you to make your voice heard!

we've been busy here at campaign headquarters preparing for your posts. Here's how

• we have eaten boxes of peanut butter cracker sandwiches
  
• we've been drinking lots of water and/or juice
• we've practiced typing (asdf jkl; ... the cat with the hat sat on a bat with a rat. splat!)

• we've looked up words that we don't know the meanings of like Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, Pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism, and volcano,

and finally

• we have been doing squats. oh the squats. and we can really feel it!

Keep up the good work and we will surely disappoint some of you ... if not all of you.