we're mad busy.

i know some of you are asking, "where are you guys? why haven't you posted in a long time?" Well, mom, we're really busy. we're working on something else right now. plus, we should do our jobs. i'll be home for dinner at 6.

120 stars

We finally collected 120 stars in one day. You might not have been there, but we documented the whole thing, so you can basically feel like you were there.

Mario64 120 Star Diary (Bill Simmons Style)

Note: Be warned that the diary is a lot funnier if you've actually played Mario64.

Note 2: Thanks to Tim Ho for giving the finishing touches to our collectively written diary.

So long, bonuses!

As an act of good faith in this difficult blog-cession, Calvin and I (Jared) will no longer be accepting bonus money and corporate perks in writing our blog. As a result, the following perks will be removed*:

• Head massages while we brainstorm for blog ideas


• Lessons on how to be hilarious in blog posts


• Our favorite corporate meal: caviar stuffed in foie gras stuffed in filet mignon stuffed in duck stuffed in lobster all wrapped in a giant crunchy taco shell.


• Afternoon pancakes, because we don't drink tea


• Annual photo shoot of Calvin and Jared jumping


• Speel checker


• Exclusive weekend use of Cal-fin


• Door-to-Door Rickshaw service


• Corporate Jet (we'll just use Calvin's jet instead)


• Gym membership (we never used this anyway)


• Eye-whitening strips


• Weekend retreats at Fantasy Roll and Rock Camp


• Money fights, where we just throw wads of cash at each other and then throw away everything when we're done


• Foot massages while we brainstorm for blog ideas

Thank you for continuing to read our blog despite the blog-cession we are in. Hopefully these concessions will help us keep our employee count at 2.

* fine print: This enactment will begin on March 26th, 2109

just for fun. something quick.

ok i gotta share this with the 2 people who read my blog

i saw this on a website i go to for work ... so awesome. THUMBS UP!

A Belated Christmas Gift for you

The last two lies and a truth:

1. when i was a kid i loved the taste of ketchup and rice
2. when i was in college i once cooked just a bag of stuffing and ate a significant portion of it for a few days
3. my favorite thing to order from taco bell is the 2 chalupa meal with a pepsi and a hard taco.

and the answer is:

They're all true! Happy New YEAR!!!! hahhaa

1. i dont know why, but i loved ketchup and i loved rice. done deal. tasty
2. ask kevin or terrence, i bought stuffing from building 19 in bulk and cooked it and ate it ... its was good and i love stuffin'
3. if you know me i love chalupas. its the best thing on their menu... hands down.

thanks for playing! and keep an eye out for the 2008 J&C unity awards.

Happy New Year!

Good morning blogees,

just wanted to wish everyone a happy new year and to let yall know that we will be blogging soon.

if you are like me, this is your first day back to work and you wish it was December 24th again.

If i could turnnnn back tiiime.... blurg.

holiday break

We are so on vacation, that we didn't even mention that we'd be on vacation.

- calvin and jared vacation (separately)

snow rankings

Ranking Criteria (from A+ to F, A+ being the most positive grade):

Packability - How effective the snow can be packed together
Cohesiveness - How well the snow sticks together
Damage - How painful the snow is when hit by it
Annoyance Factor - How annoying the snow can be (lower grade, more annoying)
Fun Factor - How fun the snow can be

---

Powder snow
Packability: D+
- You have to push really hard to pack it.
Cohesiveness: D-
- Powder snow never stays together.
Damage: D
- It's like getting hit by flour, no effect.
Annoyance Factor: C-
- Ahh, why won't it stick together!
Fun Factor: A-
- You can still write your name in it...with your finger. Excellent for skiing/snowboarders.
Overall: C-

---

Thick snow
Packability: A
- Too easy.
Cohesiveness: A-
- Stays together except when the snowball gets too big.
Damage: B+
- Good damage, explodes on impact to lessen pain.
Annoyance Factor: B
- It doesn't get very annoying, except when it sticks on your mittens.
Fun Factor: A
- Snowman, snowwoman, snow shark, you can make anything with it.
Overall: A-

---

Slushy snow
Packability: B-
- Generally it can be packed, except if it's been driven over.
Cohesiveness: B-
- It's no guarantee that it sticks together.
Damage: A-
- Slushy snow can smell if on ground or under a car so damage + "poison".
Annoyance Factor: C+
- It gets my pants wet and nasty.
Fun Factor: B-
- Lopsided snowmen just aren't the same as the real things.
Overall: B-

---

Icy snow
Packability: B-
- It's already packed, but you can't add to an ice ball.
Cohesiveness: A
- Ice balls won't break very often, especially if sprayed with water.
Damage: A
- Ouch, critical hit.
Annoyance Factor: B
- It's annoying when people throw a snowball that is actually an ice ball.
Fun Factor: B+
- Sculpture carving
Overall: B+

---

Yellow snow
Packability: D-
- Why won't it pack? It keeps melting
Cohesiveness: D-
- See above.
Damage: A+
- You don't want to get hit by this.
Annoyance Factor: A-
- What, it's not yellow food coloring?
Fun Factor: B+
- Can I have your autograph?
Overall: B-

From my friend Ryan, who recently paid off all his student loans.

Ryan: http://www.onehorseshy.com/highbrow/no_one_cares_about_your_blog?p=onehorseshy.110165790

Ooooooh!

disssssssssss

me: hahahahha

too good to not share.

Make your own, just save me a drumstick!

If you don't speak Japanese: http://translate.google.com/translate?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wombat.zaq.ne.jp%2Ffare%2Fchicken.html&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&sl=ja&tl=en

Say it!

This morning, I decided to challenge myself and see if I could get Calvin to say the word "bean", without me explicitly telling him. Here are the results:
[My thoughts.]

me: hey
calvin: sup man?
[Maybe he likes beans in his burrito, we'll start with that.]
me: what do you like in your burritos?
calvin: ummm
calvin: i like rice
[beans..]
calvin: guac
[beans..]
calvin: onions
[and beans..]
calvin: peppers
[come on, just say beans..]
calvin: corn
[beeeanns..]
calvin: pico de gallo
[is that mexican for beans?]
me: what's pico de gallo
calvin: its like the salsa
[dang it!]
calvin: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pico_de_gallo
[ohh, wiki, I'll check it later..]
[he didn't name any proteins, maybe this will work]
me: any particular proteins?
calvin: umm i like carnitas, or steak
calvin: i dont mind chicken but my pref is those two
[okay this isn't working, new strategy, Mr. Bean]
me: do you have a favorite rowan atkinson movie?
[don't say Johnny English, don't say Johnny English..]
calvin: ummm not really
calvin: i've only seen rat race.
[oh yeah, forgot he was in that movie.]
calvin: and id hardly say its my favorite
[ok, he must know the TV show..]
me: what about a tv show
calvin: mr bean
[victory!]


4 minutes, new record.

expected: random thought posts.

This month ... and probably from here on out, I'm going to post random thoughts or stories. Most will not fit any real theme. If you want to enjoy them, read away. If not, you'll need to destroy the internet to stop me.

3 days away from the end.

good morning everyone.

the end is near. blogtober will soon be over. our fanbase will cry (hi mrs. lui.) . the rest of the world will rejoice and fire bullets in the the sky in celebration.

it was a roller coaster of a month. kind of like one of those little kid roller coasters that you just ride on because your little brother or cousin wants to ride on it and needs supervision. next month we will go back to our normal format of posting about whatever... kind of like this month. but perhaps we will post more often [calvin nudges jared via the internet] [jared punches calvin via voip] [dial up connection lost.]

brief interruption

No one has complained that our blog doesn't have enough pictures. So therefore as a pre-emptive strike against such complaints, I present to you some pictures.





The resemblance is uncanny. Truly separated at birth.

Tales of the Tape

Name	Dustin Pedroia	Machop
Height	5'9"	2'7"
Weight	180 lbs	43 lbs
Nickname	Caballito or "Little Pony"	Whatever you want as long it's under 10 characters
Growth unit	Age	Level
Type	2nd baseman	Fighting
Special Move	Ball Toss	Seismic Toss
Description	Short, yet powerful	Short, yet powerful
Alternate talents	Defeated Mewtwo	Played 2nd base at the Pokemon Academy
Beats on	Yankees	Clefairies and Jigglypuffs
Weaknesses	Psychic pitchers	Psychic pokemon
Strives for	Championships	Badges
Areas of growth	Batting Average, Home Runs, Defense	Evolution
If traded	Becomes mad at management	Becomes Machamp(after evolving to Machoke)
Quote	“I'm not putting pressure on myself. I'm 22 years old. I just want to be healthy, go out there and play hard and just play my game.”	"Maa..chop"

smear campaign

Jared wanted to delay the debate so that we could go back and work on our economic crisis (not having enough money to buy a small island) I showed up to the forum and spoke anyway because im a maverick. In brighter news, Jared had acquired enough money for a small island, but spent it all on his addiction to Fabergé eggs.

He's in a 12-step program. Here are the steps.

1. wake up
2. go pee
3. brush his teeth
4. put in his contacts
5. shave mustache
6. put on lululemon spandex pants
7. do 45 min of pilates
8. take a shower
9. take off lulu lemon spandex pants
10. eat breakfast
11. shave mustache
12. head to work

so there you have it. the truth. unedited. unfiltered. uncensored. maverick. jared will be posting soon.

a post before blogtober?

No one has been bothering me to put up a new post. Readers, your reverse psychology is working.

But let me also say why I haven't been updating. It's because updating is for losers.

With that said, expect a post later this week.