We here at
for humor's sake are all sorely disappointed at the Patriots loss and second straight early exit from the playoffs. After the game, Calvin and Jared had a deep analytical, philosophical, but not metaphysical discussion on what went wrong to figure out the answers to the questions that the game left unanswered.
Calvin: Did you ever see that movie freaky friday? in the movie jamie lee curtis and lindsay lohan are mother and daughter and as many family dramas go, they struggle for power. the frustrations escalate and at one point, they both claim that the other could never last in the other's shoes and because of this magical fortune cookie sent by some mystical chinese force comes and switches their bodies. i think this is what happened with belichick and ryan. last time they shook hands in foxboro is where it all happened.
look at the picture. something is not right. there's magic in the air. anyway, i think bill wanted rex to know what it was like to have a civilized team and rex wanted bill to understand what it was like to love his wife...'s feet.
Jared: That's crazy talk. Fortune cookies? Mythical forces? Belichick would never want to swap bodies with Sexy Rexy. A more plausible explanation would be the plot from the Parent Trap. Bill Belichick and Rex Ryan realize that they are twins after a week at summer camp. They come up with a clever plan to bring their mom and dad back together who are currently separated. I'm pretty sure that this was the conversation they were having in the post-game hug you were talking about.
Rex: Good game brother, I'm so glad Mom and Dad came together to watch us play.
Bill: It didn't matter who won the game, Mom and Dad would be so proud of us right now. Let's celebrate at Martinelli's
Wait, why are we focusing so much time on Lindsay Lohan movies?
Calvin: no way, thats a terrible idea.. hmm maybe its like that movie face off and Bill Belichick is like the good guy who wants to figure out the plan of the bad guy, Ryan. but the problem is that everyone who knows about the swap died and no one knows that they're switched! so, Bill tries to help his team by being the opposite of who he is and he decides to talk way more trash than is clearly necessary to rile up his real players. Ryan on the other hand is trying to sabotage the Pats by under-coaching and sitting welker for his backhanded feet comments about him and his wife.
Jared: Hmmm I don't think that's a cromulent proposal. I think its more like Die Hard With a Vengeance. The Patriots were told that one of the footballs had an explosive in it and they had to do various things that the terrorists told them to do to prevent the stadium from blowing up. So Brady had to throw a pick, Chung had to drop that direct snap, Crumpler had to give that ball to a fan, Graham had to hit the field goal post, Woodhead had to fumble the ball, etc. and they had to do it without anyone else knowing or else there would be mass panic, just like the movie.
Calvin: All these theories have major flaws in them. Maybe the Jets just played a better game than the Patriots.
Jared: I agree. I will never talk about feet again. (Foot-in-mouth)
"Salt in the wound" ~ Danny Woodhead
