My Achilles Heel

There are many things in life that I cannot do or cannot do well, but the greatest of these is smiling. Now I don't mean regular casual smiling, but specifically smiling on command, for pictures for instance.

I've always struggled with this. Here let me show you.

This was taken fairly recently, about 2 years ago. Not too bad right? I call this the silent smirk. It's not really happy, but it's not awkward or anything. It gets worse.

This pic (stolen from FB) was taken in 2009. Same type of smile, but definitely different. Smug looking smile. Check. Squinty eyes. Check. Long and crazy hair. Check. Splotchy and kind of creeper facial hair. Check. All combined for the slightly awkward/slightly unsettling smile. Notice everyone else has a pretty good smile. Let's keep going.

This one was also taken in 2009, but highlight a different breed of bad smile. This is the goofy toothed smile. It can be spotted at bbq's, family events and proms. Notice again, the nice looking smiles to my right. Clearly a downgrade from the silent smirk, which really makes you think I'm just not that expressive. Ok the tour continues, watch your step.

Another one from 2009. Guess that was a bad year for smiling. Again the goofy toothed smile. And I had allergies so I look particularly crazy. This is a downgrade from looking like a this guy to looking like this guy.

I don't recall when this was taken specifically, but I know it was taken in high school. This is the third type of smile I have. This is the underbite. Just a bad look. It takes the goofy toothed and combines bubba. I look like bubba.

So there is a small sample of my smile history. Not pictured are the crooked smirk, the open mouthed surprised, and the crooked open mouthed smile. Perhaps you know me and have seen me in public and you're thinking that I smile all the time and it looks fine. True. When candid, I smile fine. Or you can make me laugh while taking a picture and I'll look ok. What usually comes about is the big toothy smile:

This is the closest thing I have to a decent picture smile.

Instead of trying to actually smile for pictures now, I just do this:

Now only if one of our loyal Japanese readers could send me this, I'd be all set.