So long, bonuses!

As an act of good faith in this difficult blog-cession, Calvin and I (Jared) will no longer be accepting bonus money and corporate perks in writing our blog. As a result, the following perks will be removed*:

• Head massages while we brainstorm for blog ideas


• Lessons on how to be hilarious in blog posts


• Our favorite corporate meal: caviar stuffed in foie gras stuffed in filet mignon stuffed in duck stuffed in lobster all wrapped in a giant crunchy taco shell.


• Afternoon pancakes, because we don't drink tea


• Annual photo shoot of Calvin and Jared jumping


• Speel checker


• Exclusive weekend use of Cal-fin


• Door-to-Door Rickshaw service


• Corporate Jet (we'll just use Calvin's jet instead)


• Gym membership (we never used this anyway)


• Eye-whitening strips


• Weekend retreats at Fantasy Roll and Rock Camp


• Money fights, where we just throw wads of cash at each other and then throw away everything when we're done


• Foot massages while we brainstorm for blog ideas

Thank you for continuing to read our blog despite the blog-cession we are in. Hopefully these concessions will help us keep our employee count at 2.

* fine print: This enactment will begin on March 26th, 2109