Poolitical Parties

We live in a time of a wide range of diverse perspectives and while many of them are hotly debated, none separates more friends and families than poop, which is a lot like politics, only better.

Excuse my being a bit crass, but it's true. Politics divide many people, but poop is the greatest polarizing topic. Some people love talking about it, some hate talking about it. There is no middle ground in regards to talking about poop. Let's prove it.

A conversation about poop begins...

"So last night I my friend told me a story about poo."

ok let's stop right here because this is where we see the greatest division. You will have two responses.

1. "That's gross/nasty/TMI" aka "Don't continue."
2. "Oh really? Tell me more/about it/what color it was." aka "Please continue."

No one will respond with an in-the-middle response like, "Oh that's interesting, but I don't feel like hearing it" or "Just give me the major highlights." As the conversation continues, group 1 will leave the room or pretend like they're not grossed out. Group 2 is probably on the floor in stitches.

Here we see the great divide in this country and perhaps across the globe. Here we find a bipartisanship that will never be able to be truly bridged. Repooblicans (those who don't like to talk about poo) and democraps (those who do) will forever stand on opposite sides of this aisle. (And if there happens to be a person who falls into the third category, we'll just call them the "brown party"). The only way to peace is for democraps to follow some simple rules for the sake of their repooblican friends. If you are of the former party, stop reading. you will hate the rest of this post.

My fellow democraps, we must show restraint around repooblicans. They do not think poo is funny, nor interesting. Here are some rules to help our opposing view friends.

1. Ask if it is ok to share your poo-story
2. Keep stories short
3. Share less frequently
4. Avoid descriptions of smell, consistency, and corn

If you follow these rules you will be reaching out with an olive branch. A dookie-covered olive branch.