The Plan

I've been thinking about something. Anyway.

You ever notice that people just sort of show up into the internet-celebridom? Random people get a buzz and all of a sudden they're famous for really doing nothing, besides having a particular body type (Kim Kardashian), being rich (Paris Hilton), or doing something less kid-friendly (Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton). They just kind of showed up and were instantly famous.

This sparked a thought in my mind. I have a particular body type (mine), I am rich (rich in debt), and I do something that's not kid-friendly (eating vegetables).

I can become an internet celebrity too!

So I started shooting a viral video of me eating corn when it hit me. These factors really don't matter! Why? Because there is one thing that unites all famous people on the internet. Quickly, I put my corn down and turned off my camera.

You probably think the x-factor is number of hits on a website, weblog, or facebook page. WRONG! Realistically regular Joe Schmoes like us can get heavy traffic too. (Thanks, mom!) No, the thing that all celebrities have is this: more followers than followees. Check facebook, twitter, myspace, instagram. Every famous person has what I call the golden ratio. (I'm gonna copyright that...)

The Golden Ratio of followers to followees has to be greater than 4. That's the key to being famous. Brilliant! (If you want to check my math see below.)

So here was the plan:

• Step 1: All I need to do is get a bunch of people to follow me.
• Step 2: Bask in my own awesomeness + famousness.

But then I realized a bump in my road to famawesomousness. My ratio would still be close to equilibrium. Then it came to me like a song I wrote. I could unfollow all of my friends and that would make my ratio perfectly unbalanced. Genius.

So, I'll send you a postcard from the top and when I thank all the little people that helped me win a Webby, know that I am talking about you, my ex-friends.

test famawesomousness () {

GR=F/f

if (GR > 4) {

u = "famous celebrity";

} else if (GR <= 4) {

u = "local yokel";

}

}