Government Generated Post #2

Good morning/night,

BB2k here. Are you prepared for y2k? Perhaps some of you are not familiar or do not think this will be a real threat, but I assure you, it is a problem we must face. 

What is Y2k?

Y2k represents the distant future, the year 2000. December 31, 1999 will forever be a day of infamy. It poses one of the greatest threats to society as we know it. All computer systems are in danger of failing once 12:00am hits on the internal clocks of them. This is so because since most computers run on a mm/dd/19yy system and they will all think that the date is 1900 again and all information, including computers and databases of financial institutions will go back in time. 

So how should human units prepare? I have calculated the most practical options and compiled a list.

• Flee from the cities: the cities run on computers. I do not know how my compatriots will react. They may rebel, posing great threats to all carbon-based life-forms. 
  
• Buy 32 gallon water jugs, 100 cans of corn, 300 bags of french fries, and 3o birthday cakes: when we computers rebel, we will not operate automatic doors so the local food purchasing units will be shut down
• Learn martial arts: the hysteria of computers trying to kill humans will force many humans to defend themselves, not only against the robots, but also against other anti-human humans. I suggest BJJ or Karate.
• Sell your home and trade it for a bomb shelter. The aftermath of y2k will be great and only those underground will be saved.

This is the end of the world as we know and I feel 01100110 01101001 01101110 01100101. Even I your friend unit, blogbot2k, will be unable to control my programming. Heed my warning human units. 

Government Generated Post #1

Good Morning,

My name is blog-bot 2000. I hope that we can be good friends. Think of us like [enter simpsons character here] and [enter pokemon here]. Ha. Ha. Ha. That reference is so humorous I nearly [enter feces reference here].

How about the national economy. What a housing boom. Now is the time to buy your second or third housing unit. According to my calculations, loans are being given out at a percentage that would make purchasing a housing unit with sub-par to poor credit 67% more likely. Value of homes will only increase, so the return on investment would enable you to pay for future housing units.

According to my calculations, we are friend units. Is this correct? [Pause for estimated response] That warms my CPU, that you would say that. Do not tell your other friend units you processed this from blog-bot 2000, but I calculated that Enron is increasing success by 31%-52%. Cash in your 401k or 403b and invest immediately.

We'll post real soon! [Prepare to post in 21-29 days]

Press Conference

ACTIVE IMMEDIATELY: for-humors-sake.blogspot.com is now under government control. Read article below for further information.

The U.S. government seized control of for-humors-sake.blogspot.com in a move that signaled the intensity of its concerns about the danger a collapse could pose to the blogosphere and the interweb as a whole. This intervention hopes to prevent the blog from falling into humor-bankruptcy.

The "writers" of the blog were downtrodden and held a press conference late Sunday night.

"We are sad to announce that our blog can no longer sustain itself due to the lack of hits and comments. A lack of consistent posting has also contributed to our doom. As a result, since we accepted government bailout money and we couldn't come up with a plan to rescue ourselves, the government will be taking over our blog as of today. We are sorry to our loyal reader and thank her for her support during this difficult blogonomic recession. The meatloaf sandwich you made me for lunch was delicious... I love you, mom."

This quote was followed by 20 minutes of crying and then 10 minutes of sobbing. They finalized the press conference with a Q and/or A session.

"How long do you think it will take for you to get your blog back?" - NY Times Reporter

"We really don't know... we're just trying to do our best right now. A part of the agreement would be that we cannot blog together any longer. We feel really lost right now. We didn't want it to come to this. We cannot reclaim the blog until we've proven we have gotten over our writer's block and athlete's foot. That could take 6-8 weeks ... maybe longer according to the box."

"What caused this takeover to be necessary?"

"Well to be honest, we squandered the government money. We didn't understand that this wasn't a handout to be used on anything. We saw the check and thought, we hit the AIG lottery, bonuses and vacations for everyone! It was not prudent on our part to burn the contract we signed... and we bought a lot of bubble wrap... A lot..."

A government representative came on to explain that blogging duties on for-humors-sake.blogspot.com would be taken over by "blog-bot 2000", or "bb2k." bb2k is a government-created computer program, programmed in the year 2000, hence the name. It will compile previous for humor's sake posts and will define a style and post in that style with events circa 1990-1999. Jared and Calvin had no comment on bb2k.

we're mad busy.

i know some of you are asking, "where are you guys? why haven't you posted in a long time?" Well, mom, we're really busy. we're working on something else right now. plus, we should do our jobs. i'll be home for dinner at 6.

120 stars

We finally collected 120 stars in one day. You might not have been there, but we documented the whole thing, so you can basically feel like you were there.

Mario64 120 Star Diary (Bill Simmons Style)

Note: Be warned that the diary is a lot funnier if you've actually played Mario64.

Note 2: Thanks to Tim Ho for giving the finishing touches to our collectively written diary.

So long, bonuses!

As an act of good faith in this difficult blog-cession, Calvin and I (Jared) will no longer be accepting bonus money and corporate perks in writing our blog. As a result, the following perks will be removed*:

• Head massages while we brainstorm for blog ideas


• Lessons on how to be hilarious in blog posts


• Our favorite corporate meal: caviar stuffed in foie gras stuffed in filet mignon stuffed in duck stuffed in lobster all wrapped in a giant crunchy taco shell.


• Afternoon pancakes, because we don't drink tea


• Annual photo shoot of Calvin and Jared jumping


• Speel checker


• Exclusive weekend use of Cal-fin


• Door-to-Door Rickshaw service


• Corporate Jet (we'll just use Calvin's jet instead)


• Gym membership (we never used this anyway)


• Eye-whitening strips


• Weekend retreats at Fantasy Roll and Rock Camp


• Money fights, where we just throw wads of cash at each other and then throw away everything when we're done


• Foot massages while we brainstorm for blog ideas

Thank you for continuing to read our blog despite the blog-cession we are in. Hopefully these concessions will help us keep our employee count at 2.

* fine print: This enactment will begin on March 26th, 2109

Final Four: karaoke (ka-la-OK) time

In honor of March Madness, I decided to come up with a list of four songs that I refer to as "sing-a-long" songs. Once you hear it, you just want to start singing it with a bunch of people either because you all know the words or you want your off-key voice to be drowned out by your buddies. If you can come up with a better list, I'm all ears, post it in the comments.

Note: If the embedded video doesn't play, you can just click the video to take you to the youtube link.