the lost art of hand raising

I love structure. If I had my way, I would demand that wars been fought in turn-based style, meaning one side could not counterattack until the other side had finished their initial strike. My desire for order has always given me the inspiration to participate in a lost ritual: raising my hand.

We now live in an age where chaos supposedly brings order. People are encouraged to speak out without a prompt in group discussions. It's basically a race to see who can speak the quickest and the loudest. I've been in too many situations where I raise my hand to chime in my comment to the discussion. Of course, the discussion leader always sneaks in their own little preamble, "You don't have to raise your hand, you can just talk...."

But I like to raise my hand, you disorderly heathen. I prefer to maintain the balance of the universe, thank you very much. Mankind has survived centuries of challenges and hardships (dinosaurs, floods, Pokemon) to preserve order, which a simple hand-raise upholds. I'm not about to blow all that progress because I want to speak before the person next to me. Don't worry, friend, we will both get our chance to talk, just get in line. Also, there's nothing worse than interrupting someone when it could have been easily avoided with a effortless lift of the arm.

As an instant-noodle society, we can't continue discussing with a speak-first, listen-never mentality. We must take the time to maintain the order our forefathers protected when they defeated the dinosaurs (by casting Comet2) in prehistoric times. There are probably some haters out there, but at least I got support from my boys and Nelly Furtado.

The Not-Really-All-That-Lazy Song

Bruno Mars is a liar. In his song, "The Lazy Song," he claims that he's not going to do anything. Really, Bruno (or should I say, Peter Gene?) How lazy is he really? Here are things he admits he will do on his "lazy" day.

1. Dougie - ok so its not the world's most difficult dance to learn, but honestly...there are lazier songs to learn.
2. p90x - ok seriously, p90x is one of the hardest workouts out there. This does not qualify for not doing anything. I don't care how strong you are. The lazier thing to do would be to pee 90 times.
3. the lazy song - he wrote a song about being lazy. there is nothing lazy about writing a song. rhyming words, writing lyrics, strumming a guitar, singing, whistling. These are all things that require work. He should just be lazy rather than singing about it.

Bruno, stick to catching grenades and leave the laziness to the real geniuses.

Honda Wave

What's up with this "Jeep wave" thing... apparently Jeep owners are supposed to wave to other Jeep owners. I think it only works because there are not a lot of jeeps on the road. I understand when motorcycles wave to each other, because motorcycles are actually cool! Can you imagine doing a "Honda wave"? You'd be waving constantly!

Guess what I started to do? Yup, other Honda drivers are probably wondering why I'm waving at them, so hopefully this catches on soon....

NFL Lockout

Since the NFL season is still up in the air we at FHS are preparing for the worst. Like many things in life, we try to look at the positive and move beyond the grim circumstances we face, like the lack of clever advertising or the catchy Monday Night Football jingles. After months of preparation, here is our list to help us/you get through the 2011-2012 NFL season, or lack thereof.

1. Watch more TV: There are plenty of new shows featuring a Kardashian or a "Real Housewife" that could keep you mindnumbingly stupid for six months.
2. Spend time with your family: Go home, go hungry, bring laundry.
3. Actually play football: As kids we dream of catching hail mary passes for game winning touchdowns or kicking super bowl winning field goals, now is the chance to see those dreams materialize.
4. Start a blog: It's a good amount of work and it'll help you get ideas down and think about things that happened from Sunday morning. All the cool kids are doing it.
5. Watch Soccer: Pssh, yea right...

Man...we better have a season....you hear that NFL? Or there will be consequences. WHO'S WITH ME!?

compulsion x materialism

Superman had Kryptonite, Metal Gear Rex had the Radome, and Bruce Willis had water, but what is my weakness? A good deal. Nothing disarms me more than a bargain. And now that there are all these groupon type buying sites, I am tempted to buy even more things that I will rarely use.

10% off of $100 purchase at Kids R Us? I might lose the weight! Buy 6 tires get one free? I might need to replace all seven of my tires! 50% off a pregnant mothers' retreat? I might get pregnant!

It has been ingrained in my from years of conditioning and it feels unnatural to fight the urge to purchase.

So how do I fight it? Go outside and enjoy summer. The sun won't tempt you to buy anything...except maybe a tan and some movie tickets.

the frosting on top

Growing up there were many snacks I enjoyed eating. Some of my favorites included: shark bites, fruit by the foot (which is actually 3 feet 1 inch, the lawsuit didn't work out.), fruit roll-ups, gushers, and more shark bites. However, nothing could beat the allure of my favorite snack of all: frosting.

Of course, as a child, my parents would prevent me from eating such items as a meal. But since I'm an adult now (at least that's what Disney World told me when I was purchasing admission), I can freely buy these items and eat them as a non-traditional meal. The odd thing is, I still haven't done it yet, and perhaps after I write this post, I will actually go through with it. But in the meanwhile, let me share my favorite frostings/creme fillings/whipped cream items growing up:

1. Cool Whip
When I was a kid, I had no idea what was in this. All I knew was that it made mediocre-tasting ice cream, cakes, and pies into delicious treats. But then it occurred to me, that by some mathematical proof, cool whip must taste amazing on its own (QED). Having a spoonful of this is like eating a spoonful of cool whip in heaven.

2. Oreo Cream Filling
My favorite thing to do with this delectable item was win the wishbone game with two oreos, then combine them into a double cream filling treat. Of course, now they have double stuf which basically mimics what I did as a child. Oh, if only I could count the hours wasted...studying the Bohr model.

3. Dunkaroos Frosting
The American pastime of snacks: dunkaroos (this isn't a sentence, so it doesn't deserve a period.)
I loved eating all but one of the little teddy graham-ish cookies with as minimal frosting possible. When I got to the last cookie, I would immerse it with all the remaining frosting. I cleaned up all the frosting from the container as if my future spouse's acne depended on it. Some day I hope to live the dream again as an adult, I just need the courage to click the purchase button.

Asian hockey players

I figured out why there are so few asian hockey players in the NHL - playoff beards.
In case you are not familiar with hockey, it is a tradition in the NHL that when your team enters the playoff, you stop shaving until you win it all or eliminated.

It's a known fact that most asians can't grow facial hair, see: example 1, and example 2
How embarrassing would it be if you were a hockey player and you can't grow any facial hair...
Look at the Bruins picture, what jumps out at you? it's not that shiny Lord Stanley's Cup... or that Andrew Ference is not looking at the camera... no! What jumps out is that our backup goalie Tuuka Rask (right side of the picture) does not have any facial hair!

That, my friends, is why most asians can't play in the NHL; well I guess I could but I can't skate backwards... or forward.

Safety Training

Hey guys,

Now that the Stanley Cup Finals are finished and summer is around the corner, we want to give you some safety tips. We made this poster make sure to put it up just in case you need to use it. Click for a full size. Be careful out there!

love,

FHS

Mortal Kombat.

By any means necessary.

down and out

We are told to not look down at the floor in life. It promotes shyness and a lack of confidence. So if you are ever preparing for an interview or walking on a tightrope over a shark-infested and trampoline-baseless Niagara Falls, I highly advise you not to tilt your head downward.

There are, however, 3 times when it's appropriate to look down in life (and I'm pretty sure no one will give you flak for it):
1) moments of silence
2) prayer
3) following someone up the stairs (I hope they didn't have beans for lunch)

I hope this advice is useful, please don't look down on me for this post.

Where's my welcome party??

*No photoshop necessary

I'm taking my talents to South.... Hamilton! One of many (2) headquarters of FHS.
And with this new gig, I was able to afford NBA Finals tickets in Dallas.

Remember when Jared said not to compare me to Chris Bosh, I'd much rather you not compare me to LeBron James however similar the situation might be...

• I was convinced to join THEIR blog, much like LeBron was convinced to join WADE's team;
  
• We formed our own big three, despite a previous big three

I assure you I will not be like LeBron, I will deliver! So keep supporting us and keep those comments coming!


Let's end with some great quotes on the so-called king...

"don't ask LeBron for a dollar, he never gives you the 4th quarter"

"my new LeBron app only vibrates, it has no ring"

and from our very own Jared: LeBron has just taken away the spot of top choker in NBA history from Latrell Sprewell.

A newborn

When two bloggers love each other very much, they make plans to add a new person to the group. Today, that dream is finally realized. For Humor's Sake is proud to announce the arrival of a new blogger. Some of you may know him as the ragin' asian or the 9 toed-bandit, but we just call him Mikey.

With the arrival of our new friend, we considered changing the name of our blog to Fun JMC or the Daily Mikeys, but we will probably leave the name alone for now.

How can you, our readers, support our newest member? The best way to support our fellow blog author is giving him a ton of comments on all his posts. Why? Well, it'd be pretty lame for him to be the only person to comment on his own posts.

And just for the record, please do not compare Mikey to Chris Bosh.

Childhood.

There are some things that stay with you as you get older. For some it's memories of books or family outings. For me it's flashes of TV clips. That probably explains why I am the way I am. Here are two videos from my youth.

This first one is a song sequence I used to see on Sesame Street. It was funky and edumacational as well. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDm0PqjAF78

This second one was part of a series that I really enjoyed. I used to always wonder how they got the cup to go through the counter... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdrBPJYfTC8

do you remember them?

Saving money, but at what cost?

I love finding a good deal. I have been doing it for a long time now and one thing that I have learned is you can save on almost everything. One place that people don't realize you can save money at the grocery store. You can clip coupons and shop the weekly deals, but the guaranteed deal is the day-old section. Here's an example of a deal: a half dozen of muffins for at least 50% off. That's a delicious savings. But not all things should be bought from this section.

Example 1.
Let's say you're planning to cook dinner for your significant other and you're cruising along in the supermarket and you are scratching your head to figure out something to make. Oh, what's that? 3 lobsters for $4.99? Think harder. Yes, it is a great deal. But they're dead, thus defeating the purpose of live lobster.

Example 2.
You are in the day-old section rummaging for your weekly dose of cheese danish and scones and you see a bag of ice. You're debating should you or shouldn't you... you shouldn't. But it's only $0.99! It's also just a drippy bag. Drop it and walk away.

Example 3.
You see a durian at the store. Day old? Check. Cheap price? Check. Not moldy? Check. Don't do it. Why? Because no one should buy durian. Ever.

Time Travel

If time travel were possible, I could think of a few time periods that I would go to...

1. The Birth of Christ
- I just want to count how many wise men there were and settle that dispute once and for all, oh and if there's time, witness the birth of the Savior of the universe.

2. Garden of Eden
- I would dropkick the serpent (while it still has legs, the irony) out of the garden and Chuck Norris roundhouse kick the fruit out of Eve's hand. I'm curious to see what happens next. what happens next. (I dare you to mooooove...)

3. My parents first date
- I would tell them that if their son ever sets fire to the living room rug, that they should go easy on him. And not to name their son Marty. or Biff.

My ideal day

7 am - Wake up at the end of a REM cycle.
7:01 am - Realize that I don't need to wake up early, go back to sleep.
8 am - Dream about feeling carpet samples that don't feel like carpet.
9 am - Breakfast prepared by Gordon Ramsay.
10 am - Beat Tetris.
11 am - Watch an episode of Gilmore Girls.
12 pm - Lunch prepared by Gordon Ramsay.
1 pm - Watch entire Shawshank Redemption in 1 hour.
2 pm - Drop the kids off at the pool, without splashing. No cleanup necessary.
3 pm - Successfully singlehandedly name all 151 pokemon on sporcle.com with 10 minutes to spare.
4 pm - Teleport to Hong Kong for afternoon tea.
5 pm - Take a bite out of the world's largest Starburst square.
6 pm - Dinner prepared by Gordon Ramsay.
7 pm - Watch Celtics, Bruins, Patriots, Red Sox simultaneously win their championship games on TV. Yankees franchise goes bankrupt and moves to Abu Dhabi.
8 pm - Ice cream sandwich prepared by Gordon Ramsay.
9 pm - Rapture.

My Achilles Heel

There are many things in life that I cannot do or cannot do well, but the greatest of these is smiling. Now I don't mean regular casual smiling, but specifically smiling on command, for pictures for instance.

I've always struggled with this. Here let me show you.

This was taken fairly recently, about 2 years ago. Not too bad right? I call this the silent smirk. It's not really happy, but it's not awkward or anything. It gets worse.

This pic (stolen from FB) was taken in 2009. Same type of smile, but definitely different. Smug looking smile. Check. Squinty eyes. Check. Long and crazy hair. Check. Splotchy and kind of creeper facial hair. Check. All combined for the slightly awkward/slightly unsettling smile. Notice everyone else has a pretty good smile. Let's keep going.

This one was also taken in 2009, but highlight a different breed of bad smile. This is the goofy toothed smile. It can be spotted at bbq's, family events and proms. Notice again, the nice looking smiles to my right. Clearly a downgrade from the silent smirk, which really makes you think I'm just not that expressive. Ok the tour continues, watch your step.

Another one from 2009. Guess that was a bad year for smiling. Again the goofy toothed smile. And I had allergies so I look particularly crazy. This is a downgrade from looking like a this guy to looking like this guy.

I don't recall when this was taken specifically, but I know it was taken in high school. This is the third type of smile I have. This is the underbite. Just a bad look. It takes the goofy toothed and combines bubba. I look like bubba.

So there is a small sample of my smile history. Not pictured are the crooked smirk, the open mouthed surprised, and the crooked open mouthed smile. Perhaps you know me and have seen me in public and you're thinking that I smile all the time and it looks fine. True. When candid, I smile fine. Or you can make me laugh while taking a picture and I'll look ok. What usually comes about is the big toothy smile:

This is the closest thing I have to a decent picture smile.

Instead of trying to actually smile for pictures now, I just do this:

Now only if one of our loyal Japanese readers could send me this, I'd be all set.