side note

it came to my realization that we have been on the wrong time zone. that has been changed

t-minus, yes!

and so it continues, the debate.

Enter: two men battling, not with guns and knives, but with words. The most powerful weapons we have.

One man a classically trained violinist. The other a self-educated flautist.

The debates shall be heated and shall potentially create an un-reconcilable rift between friends. An exchanging of words that could potentially force loved ones and acquaintances to choose sides in an all out microcosmic civil war.

And then there's me and jared. two guys who will probably make a bunch of jokes that no one will think are funny.

get your alarm clocks ready. blogtober is around the corner and being hyped up!

a post before blogtober?

No one has been bothering me to put up a new post. Readers, your reverse psychology is working.

But let me also say why I haven't been updating. It's because updating is for losers.

With that said, expect a post later this week.

great suggestions!

Hey everyone! Thanks to all who are putting comments on the blog!

We are less than a week away from our first blogtober post and we want you to make your voice heard!

we've been busy here at campaign headquarters preparing for your posts. Here's how

• we have eaten boxes of peanut butter cracker sandwiches
  
• we've been drinking lots of water and/or juice
• we've practiced typing (asdf jkl; ... the cat with the hat sat on a bat with a rat. splat!)

• we've looked up words that we don't know the meanings of like Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, Pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism, and volcano,

and finally

• we have been doing squats. oh the squats. and we can really feel it!

Keep up the good work and we will surely disappoint some of you ... if not all of you.

we the blog.

four score and 7 blogs ago we started this blog and we feel its about time that a blog, blogs for you. so this coming october we will have a battle of the blogs. its like a rap battle but with much less/more profanity.

Because we are for the people, Jared and I will debate about "issues" chosen by you, our blog readers. we cannot blog all the ideas submitted, but we will blog the ones that fit our blog's mood best.

so if you want to enter our blog-dom, blog a comment into this blog-comment section and we will have our first blog entry blogged by the first blog of blogtober

this october, jared and calvin DEBATE!

morgan freeman

i wish i had a voice like morgan freeman. its so powerful. if i had a voice like morgan freeman i'd talk all the time. i'd offer to do people's voicemail messages. i'd make everyday things seems amazing.

"and then he opened the fridge and got himself a drink of apple juice. He is now readying his finger to pick his nose. and yes we have a winner. the glory of victory. James Ellis Nicholson. 5 year old boy. Future president."

or i'd dictate my own life. like a DVD commentary.

"currently i am typing on a computer, writing my blog, changing the world. one word. at a time. and thinking about how this cranberry juice is really sour, but helps fight UTIs. Not that I have one. But if I did, this cranberry flavored drink would really help me fight it. I am actually not sick at all. This pencil is blue."

amazing. don't you agree? don't you agree?! so yeah if i could change my voice i'd have a voice like morgan freeman.... or like t-pain with that auto-tune filter ( on. if i had that I'd say everything in song because i would know that i would not be out of tune... now that would be awesome... like with the voice i have now i could say

"hey jared, we should really blog about tape dispensers"

and it would sound like

"hey jared, we should really blog about tape dispensers"

but with auto-tune it would sound something like

"hey jarrred we should really buy some louis vuitton skin and and go sky diving with gary coleman and MC Hammer into the planet formerrrrly know as pluto, ballerrrrrrr"

wow. what a difference that would make in my life. and yours too. you're welcome.

if I were a shark...

All I want to say is that if I were a shark, I would not want to eat people that are in the ocean. It just doesn't make sense to eat anything mixed with water (especially salty water). Think about all the tasty foods in world when it's ruined by water. Imagine a nice, juicy, tender, steak smothered with...water. See what I mean?

As a shark, if I wanted human blood, I would rather have it straight up, no preservatives added, not watered-down. If I'm going to eat someone, I don't want the diet version of them.

To summarize, if I were a shark, I'd go to the beach to [m]eat people.

sharks

how come the jets had their own song in west side story but the sharks didnt? its pretty unfair. the sharks could carry a tune too. and the dancing! they could DEFINITELY dance just as good as the jets. so why no song? ...

isnt life just like that? i mean how many times have you wanted a theme song only to see that your brother or sister or best friend or worst enemy or grandma already has one. you're thinking

"hey, a theme song would be nice, but i dont want to look like i'm copying nanna." (or pappy - equal opportunity)

I too have always wanted a theme song. i'm gonna make up an original one right now ... something like this ...

na na na na na na na na calviiinnn [repeat until chorus]

chorus
we. like. to party. we like. to party. we. like. to party. we like. to party. the dadada is coming and everybody something.

bridge
c-c-c-calvin and the jets. da da da da calviinnn calviiin calvinnn and jeeettts...

pretty catchy right? ... hmmm wait, calvin and the jets... i'm not gonna give that gang any more limelight... maybe it should be calvin and the sharks. Let's see how that sounds....

I like to be in America!
O.K. by me in America!
Ev'rything free in America
For a small fee in America!

Nice.

not a real post. a comment ... on comments ...if you will.

so i just realized that people have been commenting. this made me laugh. many of your comments are very entertaining. keep up the good work!

Like we could do better.

I love going into Chinese restaurants and looking at their menus. Half of the reason is to look for the strangest food item on the menu; the other half is because I love to find typos. Now, if you’ve been to enough Chinese restaurants (not the whitewashed ones), there is a plethora of misspellings and misinterpreted English phrases scattered throughout the restaurant itself, not just on the menu.

I’ve seen signs telling me to “beware of the pickpocket.” (Who is this pickpocket? Is this guy the only one? Why hasn’t he stolen this sign yet?) I’ve also seen name tags on wait staff that don’t realize that you can’t abbreviate words just by using the first three letters. (He was an assistant manager.) But the menu is usually the biggest culprit of all.

Typically, the typos on menus are just small spelling errors that don’t really affect the appetite of the diner (roasted pappers, scramlbed eggs). Then there are those that do. I’ve had the pleasure of not ordering dishes like the “baked crap [carp] fish” or “poop delight”. (Just kidding, there was no poop delight; but boy, would that go well with a pea soup.) Sometimes it feels like I’m reading a 4 page book written by a 4 year old.

But then I think about how well America translates certain Chinese dishes.

Like General Gao’s Chicken, for example. Out of all occupations, why name it after a general? I’m not sure if a general would really want the animal symbol of cowardice to be synonymous with their name. I would have named it something more reasonable like Farmer Gao’s chicken or Astronaut Gao’s chicken.

Or what about the Double Happiness dish? Some people can’t find just plain happiness and this dish supposedly offers double happiness? I think a better name for this dish would have been "Cow and Chicken Unite" (or "Chicken and Cow Unite").

How could we forget the famous Pu Pu Platter? Enough said.

So before we go judging the mistakes of other people, let’s remember to take the planks out of our eyes. And use them as toothpicks. (wait, I thought I was talking about typos...)

Typos

To be hhonest a posst with alot off typoz in it would b verry obvious and trite. it would be almots redickulus. sew, i wont do it. i refsue to do it. ok i'm dun.

now that that is out of the way, now its time for the real deal.

Why do we make typos? most people would think that its a slip of the mind; their hands are going faster than their brain. I am not going to argue with that logic. but typos are more than just small little slip-ups. they cause so many misunderstandings and so much embarrassment, pain and suffering. Here's why.

Say your name is John and you get a letter in the mail. it goes as follows.

Dear John,

I am so sorry to have to write you to do this, but I think its time that we go our separate ways. For many years I have lived with the fact that my boyfriend collects mold. I thought I could stand the amount of mold you had, but it is clear that I cannot. For future reference, get a better hobby.

Best,

Banessa

Now when you get this letter you think, "oh no this is so sad", as you clutch your favorite jar of fungus. But then you see ohhh its from Banessa, my girlfriend is Vanessa. It must be to another John. Relieved you go to her apartment to tell her the story about the letter and she is there with another man, playing connect 4.
"That's not right, that was our game", you think to yourself. You are crushed. It was from Vanessa. You didn't even see it coming.

pretty crushing right? here's another

you're writing an email to your boss, martin. you want to tell him that you think he's been doing great and that you're proud to be a part of his team. You, however don't want to seem like a suck up so you keep it brief, but personal. your letter goes like this

Martin,

I just wanted to take a brief moment to say thanks for doing a great job and that I am really proud to be a part of your team. Maybe one day we could go to abar and get a drink.

Best,

Jeb

Sounds pretty good right? not bad. But, he never responds to your friendly email. Suddenly, your work load gets more and more difficult, and he becomes more and more distant. Then, out of no where, you're being downsized because of economic hard times. You dont understand. You're hard working, never late and a leader amongst your peers.

You go back to that email you sent to see if perhaps you had offended your boss. You look carefully and see there was a slight typo there. But, how much could that matter? Unfortunately for you, Jeb, it mattered a lot. Abar is a local gay bar and your boss, who is heterosexual and a bit homophobic, thought you were coming on to him. Hence, your situation now. But you'll never be able to prove it because you have no idea of the implications of this small seemingly insignificant typo. You just accept it was downsizing. How sad. Now you work for a sad and lonely man who collects fungus for a hobby.

I say all this to warn you of your lackluster proofreading skills. As you can see, they are very damaging. Very, very damaging. You think typos are harmless. The truth is typos are evil and I will follow it to the gates of hell and defeat it.