worst pickup line ever.

picking someone up with lines is probably the world's oldest recreation behind glass eating. what my opponent won't tell you is that he is not currently and nor was her ever a pick up artist or a glass eater. How unamerican. sounds like russian trickery to me. we're no dumbkoffs, commrade, we see through your game.

i am proud to say that i am a card carrying member of the NRA (national rifle association), UGLEA (united glass and lead eaters of america), and HHBWUPUAAUSA-RI ("hey hey baby whats up" pick up artists association of the united states of america, Rhode Island Chapter)

so what does it mean to not be a part of organizations like these? and what does it mean to BE a part? let me break these down for you clearly.

my opponent will neither give a woman the honor and satisfaction of knowing that someone is trying to pick them up. how rude. attractive women need more than just silent stares, they need verbal affirmation. and they cant keep hearing the same tired lines, they need diversity! and I am a candidate for diversity. i have been trained in the ways of hollering.

you're thinking "ok i see your point," but then you may ask "is glass eating that important for a candidate?" you bet it is! you might think "why?" and i'd say "shut up with the questions already." then you'd say "how could you hear my thoughts?" then i'd say "because i put country first."

but all else aside, glass eating is important because glass is made from sand. and sand is from the beach. and life is a beach. and beaches was a movie. and movies are a form of entertainment and entertainment tonight is a tv show. and tv shows cause emotions. and emotions are from the heart. and blondie sang about her heart of what? that's right. glass. see the cyclical nature of glass eating? I knew you would. But let me get back to the point.

clearly the worlds worst pick up line is "is it hot in here or is it just you" but my opponent might say that "hey baby, i'm a scorpio.", "are your legs tired because you've been running around my head all day" or "what's your name, what's your size?"

clearly these are bad. for instance, the last line mentioned is easily diffused by another artist. here is what i president of the Rhode Island chapter or HHBWUPUAAUSA, would do.

As soon as he buys that wine I'd walk up from behind. I'd ask you what your interests are, who you were with, say some things to make you smile, ask you what numbers to dial in order to reach you at a later date and time. then I'd ask are you going be here for a while? If so, I'm going go call my friends. Why don't you go call your friends. We can rendezvous at the bar around two"

Smooth. But I digress. these are just not as bad as the pick up line I mentioned. It is pathetic when used and is not smooth. It is used to trick, not unlike my opponent. Me, I just wanna do something special for all the ladies of the world. [is that possible?]

here it is; some advice.

if you've come to a point in your friendship with a guy where you feel comfortable calling him your (guy) best friend, there's a chance he likes you. so how do you just be/stay best friends without him being interested? sorry, my friends, that's just not gonna happen on this planet. gently let him know. you're welcome.