Don't be a victim. Get educated.

People have been lazy for generations and while there are many different factors, none is more notorious than sweatpants. Studies have shown that sweatpants are the #1 contributor in 6-12 categories of laziness, including but not limited to: procrastinating, dawdling, and lollygagging.

This is because during the construction of the garments, a very scientific chemical reaction occurs and the chemicals produced have an adverse effect on humans. The chemicals mix with human sweat and form a gas. That gas enters into the body through the butt, like a reverse-fart, except it's not funny. It's dangerous, here's how much:

Exhibit A:

Look at James Van derBeek. James used to be a budding hollywood actor with a very promising career. But once his TV show ended, he was never seen. Why? He was working hard auditioning for new roles until one day he put on sweatpants and decided to skip his search for one day. He skipped the next day too and decided to buy an iPod so he could psyche himself for his auditions. The third day he bought a pair of Uggs and that's when he really let himself go. One of my cohorts who used to work with him tried to reach out to him, but to no avail. This picture was taken right before he stopped at Auntie Annie's for a Pretzel Dog and Cinnamon Sugar Pretzel Nuggets. This was the third breakfast out of five that day.

Exhibit B:

See this man? Sure he looks like he's just relaxing. But this picture was taken right after he walked up one flight of stairs. Physically exhausted, he needed a rest. His manager and mother took the picture to show him how he needed help. I'm happy to say that his story ends well. This man quit his sweatpants addiction and became the phenom we all know as Usher. OMG.

You've been warned, America.