Lockout

The collective bargaining agreement between Calvin and I recently expired because I decided to opt out this morning. Until we figure out a new agreement, Calvin will not be able to post at FHS.

It all started when we fought over how much each of us would get from our advertisement sales. Calvin demanded a 50-50 split, but I preferred to take the entire penny and give Calvin the magic beans that I found in my pocket (which in actuality were just regular beans).

After that, we started arguing about how many posts we would write in a week. Calvin wanted to keep it at 5 posts a week, but I demanded that he write 10 posts a week in order to generate more laughter. Unfortunately, Calvin believes that too much laughter may cause more stomach injuries amongst our readers. Clearly, he's thinking too much about the readers and not about our revenue. I, on the other hand, believe laughter will generate more laughter, which would then force people to stay on our site longer because they are unable to close the browser, thus increasing our ad sales (possibly by up to .1%).

Lastly, we argued over who was more attractive: Brad Pitt or Edward Norton. We debated all night and couldn't come to a firm conclusion. Since we didn't make a new deal by the negotiation deadline, I have decided to lock Calvin out. Good luck trying to find the key.