gifts for loyalty

As some of you know, our most loyal blog reader, Mikey, celebrated his birthday yesterday. As a result, we thought it would be a great idea to raise up some funds to buy him a nice gift to commemorate his year of loyalty . So we did what we do best: fart. After our gas festival, Calvin and I thought about legitimate ways to get money and it dawned on us at the same time: start a pyramid scheme.

We looked up instructions on the internet but found they were too confusing, mostly because it contained hard-to-pronounce words like "fraud" and "the". We found pictures of pyramid schemes instead. Unfortunately, Calvin accidentally printed out the pyramid upside down, so we ended up sending 100 dollars to 10 people and told those people to send 100 dollars to 10 more people. Upon realizing our mistake, I went to print the pyramid in the correct direction. Unfortunately, because I was distracted by youtube, I printed out the food pyramid instead. We ended up mailing letters to numerous people, demanding they send us fruits and vegetables back.

We didn't want to give a fruit offering to Mike (look what happened to Cain), so we looked on the internet for more ways to get money. While we were surfing, Calvin got a facebook message from Mikey's brother himself claiming that he's stuck in Africa and needs the funds to come back to Ammerika! What a great gift-coming to the rescue of our friend's brother! So we sent him the $10,000 he requested though Western Union in honor of Mikey. Did you know he was a prince of Nigeria?

Anyway, we've spent so much money on him, but we haven't actually given him a tangible gift yet. So instead, our gift is a blog post about him because this is the best we could do until the Xbox 720 Prince Desmond promised arrives. Happy Birthday!